You think Dick Clark is...
A tightwad.
OLD!
A real sweet guy.
A business franchise.
Wasting his time on those "Blooper" specials.
Possibly a conspiracy, but I can't say for sure.

How do you dress when you're NOT in that uniform?
Really slouchy.
If it's clean, I'll wear it.
All black, baby.
Comfort is the key! 
I'm all business suits, man.
You mean I'm supposed to take it off?

Your idea of the perfect Saturday night is...
A successful evening show
A successful late night show
Just surviving another show is enough.
Jogging
Food and friends
Every night is Saturday night!  Woohoo!

Gino Rossi is about to take your picture.  What's your first thought?
Stand still!
How's my hair?
Is there anything between my teeth?
How much am I getting paid for this again?
Time to pull my hat over my face.
ART RAZ!

What's your favorite food?
All of it.
Whatever the others don't eat.
Broiled thou, which is very tasty.
Anything that's non-fattening.
Barbeque and pizza and stuff...
Bring on the cheeseburgers!

And what'll you have to drink with that?
Hawaiian Punch
Milk
Got any tofu shakes?
Things go better with Coca-Cola...
Could I get some rum over here please?
Who took all the good drinks?

What do you look for in a girl?
A beautiful soul.
Personality.
Someone...just like me!
Heart, lungs, muscles, eyes...all arranged in the proper order, of course.
Talent!
I don't care what she looks like, as long as she's sincere.

What other performer do you listen to?
The Beatles
The Rolling Stones
It's nothing but Raiders here...
Elvis Presley
Jonathan Winters
Boris and Natasha

Which cartoon character?
Porky Pig
Tweety Bird
Sylvester
Bugs Bunny
Daffy Duck
Elmer Fudd

What's your favorite color?
Blue
White
Red
Green
Indigo
Black

What's your favorite thing to do on an ACTION tour?
Torment Gary Lewis.
Torment Gary Lewis.
Pray Gary Lewis doesn't sue us.
Torment Gary Lewis.
Torment Gary Lewis.
Perform....and torment Gary Lewis.

If you had your life to live all over again, would you?
Say what?!?
Absolutely.
Life's been good, so I'm not screwing it up.
Oh God...NO!
Eh...Just the crummy parts.
No freakin' way.

When you wake up, your first thought is:
Just five more minutes...just.....Zzzzzzz....
Why does my mouth taste like an old wallet?
Sleep?  Sleep?  I've been goin' all night!
Another day!  Yippee!
This bed smells funny and...oh my God...
Who short-sheeted me again?

How you livin'?
¡La vida loca!  (Well, sometimes...)
I have more houses than you can count.
I'm lucky to be living at all!
Quietly...till this quiz came up.
I have freedom and a Moped!  Weee!
In the 'burbs, I host the best block parties.

What TV show resembles your life the most?
F Troop
The Twilight Zone
Family Affair
Gilligan's Island
Branded
Lost in Space

What's the best way to bug Gary Lewis and his Playboys?
Pretend we're firemen and dump water on Gary's head.
Pretend we're doctors and "operate" while Gary's singing.
Human Cannonball!
Let the other guys have a crack at him.
Throw Smitty at him when he's not looking.
Act like we're paying attention.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
On a farm.
The good ol' Pacific Northwest.
In the city.
The Islands.
I already TOLD you I have more houses than you can count!
An undisclosed location, of course.

Which pet do you prefer?
Cats
Big dogs
Little dogs
Ducks
Rocks
What pets?  Dealing with humans is enough!

Raider uniforms--Tights or pants?
Tights
Tights
Pants
Tights
What's cheaper?
Nothing!

Tights--How many pairs do you wear?
Two
Two
Two
I don't think so...
Two
Two, but I desperately need three...

What do you like most about being a Raider?
Sharing my talent with the world.
Traveling.
It pays good, y'know.
I'm FAMOUS!
You're asking me?!?
Sharing my talent with the girls.

Are you or have you ever been the most popular Raider?
Yes
Yes
No
Oh, definitely not.
Yes
Ha-ha, very funny.

Who is your closest confidante?
Greedy Manager, Roger Hart
Derek Taylor
Phil
Paul
Drake
Terry Melcher

At a concert, your biggest fear is:
Getting hit in the head with panties.
We won't break even.
Someone cuts my hair.
I laugh at fear!
These tights won't hold out.
Someone gets hit in the head with Smitty.

You and your fellow Raiders are playing SURVIVOR.  Who do you vote off the island?
Paul
Mark
Both
Whoever smells worst by then
All of 'em!
Gary Lewis

Which other celebrity are you most like?
Jerry Lee Lewis
George Harrison
Brian Epstein
Mitch Ryder
Elvis Presley
Baby, I'm the definitive celebrity.

This many people have been Raider-ized...

...since December 29, 2001!